Arachnomancer
From Teh IB Wiki
The Beginning
It was the dark and stormy night of April 19 in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Four. In a moment of boredom, Arachnomancer was forced upon the [as] message boards. Running from the angry members of "Rants" and the Dullsville that was "Fan Reviews" she finally found some comfort in "Babbling."
Honestly, those people just made too much sense. After a brief liaison with that board, she was swept off her feet by the whimsy of fellow [IB]ers. An Incoherent Babbling star was born! Arachnomancer was not that star.
Still, she witnessed many crazy events in the early years of the [as] message boards. She was around for the birth of [as] Marriages, the first SwimLegend Milarkie, and the now infamous viewer bump that quoted THE_SPOON's sig. She remembers waiting for Milarkie to rank up so that the new Rank and colour would be revealed to the boards.
"Oh, the anticipation of waiting to see what the rank was going to be! We waited for days to find out! We thought he'd never rank up!" she said.
Coup d'état
Dear Citizens of IB,
It is my duty to inform you that as of 12:45 PM Central standard time, on June 18, 2007, my military officials successfully overran the current IB Presidency. No one was harmed in the coup, but until my absolute monarchy position has been stabilized, military presence will remain out in full force.
As a citizen of IB, you must immediately recognize the following set of laws and enforcements:
- All heathen pants wearers will be burned with a steak. From Outback.
- Kevin Costner will tbe the Official Magistrate of Affairs dealing with the benefit to society of the desecration and demoralization of aglets.*Anyone found guilty of posting HTML images in a thread will be fed to the Luuv Dragon.
- The Dudecode states that in the event you witness a citizen failing to comply with laws or standards of my country, you are required to go tell dudeco.
- On national holidays, citizens will be allotted free +1's if their household is found to be law abiding.
- Spammers will be placed in stocks in the center of the city for one week. You may only throw spam, pie, cake, and pudding at those citizens in the stocks. Please not get into debates whether pie or cake is the better throwing dessert.
- Smiley Indifferent is the offical seal of the queendom. All Hail the Smiley Indifferent!!
- Wednesdays are "Free Beer and Hotwings" day.
- On Fridays, all citizens will pay homage to Saint Harry Potter.''
So, my little incoherent babblers, go forth and multiply (or subtract)! I promise to be a fair and just Queen. In return, you will be incoherent and mindless for the rest of your days.
This is my declaration set forth with my own hand (and fingers...and thumbs when I have to use the spacebar),
Queen Arachnomance VII, Grand Galactic Ruler of the Galaxy and Beyond and stuff, by the Grace of Incoherency.
Unexplained Disappearance, Explained!
In July of 2005, Arachnomancer disappeared from the [IB] realm. It was a sad day indeed for the boards, and almost nobody noticed that she simply wasn't around anymore.
March of 2007 rolls around, and almost as suddenly as she disappeared, Arachnomancer resurfaced...a new and better woman. She found [IB] readily accepted her return, and the open arms of fellow Incoherent Babblers wrapped around her. Seriously, most of those guys are registered sex offenders.
When asked about her disappearance, Arachnomancer shed many tears as she told of her abduction and subsequent captivity in the terrible place known as Miami. The Aliens who snatched her needed an interpreter...and she just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was excited about her abduction until she learned that their destination wasn't Mars or Jupiter or someplace outside the known Solar System. Her only hope was that she might meet David Caruso who currently works for CSI: Miami. She lost all hope when she heard that they don't even tape that damned show in Florida.
Arachnomancer escaped her captors and fled back to her hometown of Nashville, Tennessee.
In March of 2007, Arachnomancer and SwimOdin announced that they were dating in real-life. No word yet on the feelings of Comrad, Arachnomancer's [as] husband. Arachnomancer will be living in Atlanta in the very near future in an effort to further her career and spend more time with Odin.
Number Four
There is no number four. There is no fourth section.
Mythological History In [IB]
As recorded by Auron001
Arachnomancer is a goddess like no other. She was won more wars and battles than Mel Gibson in brave heart. Despite her amazing skills with a blade, she is still one of the hot ladies of [IB]. With her entourage of male underlings loving her and females wanting to be like her, her presence is always known and appreciated. Arachnomancer takes no sass. One recorded event was when a swimpunk got fresh with her, and she proceeded to make him punch himself for 3 days straight. Some say even the mods fear to anger this deity. She is goddess of battle and glomping.
theroyalgoat Prediction
When asked how Arachnomancer would die, theroyalgoat had this to say:
In five years you will fall deeply in love with a man named Thomas. Your parents dislike him and his parents dislike you, but despite that...the relationship flourishes. You were never more happy in your life as the day Thomas asked you to move in with him. Thanks to a healthy trust fund, Thomas was moderately wealthy and having the financial means to pursue the dreams you've always wanted, it seemed like things couldn't possibly get better. While celebrating your one year anniversary Thomas asks you to come out to the balcony. You sip champain as he uses words to express his deep affection. It's then that he gets down on one knee and pulls a small box out of his pocket. You gasp slightly and feel a flutter in your chest as he opens the box and begins to ask for your hand in marriage. You don't get to hear him finish though, as the light directly across the street shines into the large diamond blinding you and causing you to accidentally fall off the balcony of Thomas's penthouse apartment.
Songs of a Spider Lady
by: J-Squad
Spider Lady. Spider Lady. Does whatever a Spider Lady does.
Is she strong? Listen bud. She's got non-radioactive blood.
Look ouuuuuut! Here's the Spider Lady.
Stats and Rank
| Real Name | Amanda Cherry |
|---|---|
| Registration Date | April 19, 2004 |
| Rank | Order of the Owl |
| Regulars | Incoherent Babbling, Williams Street, .com |
Random Arachnomancer Facts
- Arachnomancer was the first UBF recruit of 2007. Her UBF alias is RoboWaj.
- Arachnomancer is featured in several chapters of The Batz Epic Tale: Jade and Her Fighting Wives.
- The_Great_Q-Ball proposed to her once. He failed.
- She likes teh spiderz.
- Arachnomancer is a hardcore Mountain Dew junkie.
- On April 28, 2007, during a night of drunken ecstacy, she married Comrad.
- She dates SwimOdin in real-life.
- She hosted the ASMB Writing Competition VII.
- She's probably naked right now.
- She is the creator of Trivia Extravaganza in IB, and is the regular host.
- Her Royal title is Queen Arachnomancer VII, Grand Galactic Ruler of the Galaxy and Beyond and stuff, by the Grace of Incoherency.
- Arachnomancer is S.H.O.T.T.S. #34
- She is an Official Investigator in the Federal Bureau of Incoherency. She is director of the Alt-Hunting Task Force in the FBI.
- She is a High Priestess in the Church of No-Pants.
- Ara Owled on February 10, 2008.
- Ara loves chocolate pudding
Board Games and Competitions
From time to time, Arachnomancer participates in various board games and competitions in IB. She has won a few and lost a lot more.
- She won 3rd Place in the Sixth ASMB writing contest for her non-fiction piece Clouds In The Sky.
- She won 1st Place in the ASMB Writing Competition IX for her fiction entry The Middle Finger.
- Arachnomancer won "BANNED 2007" hosted by InsaneFox. She was voted out for being a strong competitor two times, but won a second and third chance thanks to a trivia win and a popular vote sweep.
- Arachnomancer won "IB Anticipation" hosted by fok. In spite of having a lousy net connection at the time, she managed to complete all 3 levels and make it to the top. Here is her trophy.
- She won the most points in Trivia Extravaganza's Harry Potter Theme Night hosted by duzitickle.
- Arachnomancer came in 2nd in the UO [as] Master of 2k7 competition.
Name Changes
- MtDewLady
- secret_dew
- Princess_Peach
- marios_wuv_slave
- Severus_Snape
- Angelina
- Arachnomango
- Edward_Nigma
- Mr_Shickadance
Messengers/IMs
- AIM--aralovesmtdew
- AIM--nightsdiviner
- YIM--arachnomancer
Clubs and Organizations
Arachnomancer is a member of many clubs and organizations throughout the ASMB and in IB. Most of her favorite groups are dedicated to the purpose of absolutely nothing.
Teh UBF
Arachnomancer was the first new member of UBF in 2007. Her member name in this secret cult, errrrr, club...is RoboWaj.
Carebear Army
Though she's not exactly sure what the Carebear Army does, she proudly joined. DoTheDew_Bear is her Army Name. Her rank is 5.
the clan
On July 2, 2007, Arachnomancer joined The Clan led by MysticJhn. The clan has no name, and no real goals except to do nothing and possibly eat Doritos. Should anyone decide to make them the clan will have jackets someday, but don't hold your breath.
Nayru-tan Fan Club
Arachnomancer serves as the Official High Priestess of Nayru-tan Fan Club. Members pay homage to SwimMod_Nayru every three hours
Federal Bureau of Incoherency
Arachnomancer is an investigator in the Federal Bureau of Incoherency and Director of the Alt-Hunting Task Force.
S.H.O.T.T.S.
Ara is #34 in S.H.O.T.T.S.
Known Alts
- Fuzzy_Woobles-For Postflooding
- RoboWaj see UBF
- MountainDewmancer - gift from deadstar86
- professor_snape - gift from duzitickle
- DoTheDew_Bear see Carebear Army
- Buttermancer
- Future Hiro (outed during The List)
- eve_says_im_naked (outed during The List)
- The_List (also part of The List)
Ara's Holy Trinity
Mountain Dew, The Moon, and Harry Potter
The List
Arachnomancer started The List out of boredom. It grew within a matter of hours to be one of the biggest scandals of [as] 2007.
Member Thoughts on Arachnomancer
- "She's a babe! Schwing, biblbiblbibl, *grunt!*" -The Great Q-Ball
- "Look at all these fan comments! What does Arachnomancer have that I don't have? Besides the hoards of fans... and her pretty hair... and those gorgeous green eyes..." - Ayria
- "I'm so gonna motor-boat those breast of hers one day...boinggggggggggggggg." ~ Pillow_Pantz
- "This is getting to be a little piece of ridiculous." ~ lupin_bebop
- "She's better than aweserm sauce!" ~ SwimPrince
- "Spooky boobs FTW." ~ croyolacrowns
- "OMG She said I'm neat-o....I need to change muh pants." ~ -Unknown_User-
- "wajwajwajwajwajwaj" ~ Waj_Master
- "She lurves herself some jeepsauce on her burgers!" ~ VickiSanRoman
- "The ultimate fap inducer." ~ fok
- "If you put her in a box, she'd be hot in a box. >_> <_< *fap*" ~ Kagome_Naked
- "Le growl?" ~ Blayze2k
- "We had a shaky start when we first met, but we get along really well now. A very good friend. ^_^" ~ psycho_raven/Xiad_Rusco
- "She is one of teh hottest on teh boards of teh IB and teh bewbs are good too. Very nice. *Borat smile*" ~ Legato-II
- She is pretty much awesome. She too likes Harry Potter, which makes her amazing. :) ~ InuyashaOswari
- "coolest kid around" ~ emshicad
- "She's the kewlest Tennessee chick I've ever met. Besides myself ;)" ~ Goddess_Otaku
- "She's the Queen of Waj! And she rawkz j0o faiyse off. =]" ~ Katty_Kit
- "Insert Rod A into Hole C NOOOOOW!!!11!!!oneONE!" - nuclear_fallout
- "I used to think she was a crazy chick, but after having been in a chatroom with her.... she's still one crazy chick =D" ~Dark Vice
- "Her house is the best for cooking bacon, and really retains the smell." ~ ghost bacon monster/auron001
- Long name, must be smart. ~ Icouldntmakeupanalias
- I love my little naked angel :D. ~SwimOdin
- Teh Ozzfest is teh Awsomeness, i should get more tickets to see you and Odin on stage, then throw my mothers Bra on Odin -hnsolo77
- The woman is like Chuck Norris, except that when she looks at you, she sexes you up to the point of exhaustion - Spaz342
- "Arachnomancer a.k.a. Arachnomango: The dancing spider lady of IB, who skillfully traverses teh interwebs as only a dancing spider could. Her alternate form is a mango, which she can morph into at will. Arachnomancer was last seen carrying a stolen, frozen cat, which has an estimated value of well over $1,300 U.S. currency. If you come into contact with Arachnomancer a.k.a Arachnomango, she is armed and dangerous, DO NOT APPROACH HER! Call your local pizza delivery service (#911) and ask for a lint paisley!!!" ~ JustinOther
- -runs wild on your wiki along with his own- XD -Dark Vice
- you know...she has nice...>.> <.< eyes you perverts o.O. odin/comrad/david/voldemort is lucky to have arach/mountain dew lady/snape ^.^ newnightcreature0
- I ttly luv her moar than Odin duz. >_> Pyro_Metal
- I see you correcting mah wiki! Have at you! *boob fights* My nipples are so beating your nipples. - spiritdragon
- She's one of the nicest people on the ASMB, and shares my love for Mountain Dew and frozen Snickers! She's perhaps the Admin of the wiki that i most confide in. - Admin/Kagomes_Luver2789
- hey girl thanks for signing my wiki-watergoddess23
- Cage fight it is then! Should we charge admission?- spiritdragon
- Her boobs can cause men to forget themselves and spontaneously compose sonnets to their glory. - Deus
- What Deus said" - RobotOrel213
- *grabs about a half-dozen spray paint cans and leaves sloppy, colorful graffiti on your wiki that reads, "FRAPPE WUZ HEER!"* XD - Mistress_Frappe
- Omgz! Mt Dew Lady!!!!!! ~ Angelic_scars
- 'Points finger accusingly'I knew it was you all along Ara! Kiiriya
Finger Puppet Theatre
Welcome, welcome, welcome! Show, show, show! Guest, guest, guest! Arachnomancer, there's no way I'm saying that one three times. Anyway, Ara, how are you this fine evening?
I need someone to show me how to change the oil in my car...
Well then, you've come to the wrong place.
This shop specializes in non automotive fluids.
well, obviously it explains why you're already pantsless.
Ran out of them about 10 shows ago.
I've seen things on the interwebs about folks like you. You better be careful or you'll end up on 60 Minutes or something!
Too late.
How long have you had the power to detect pervs?
Almost six years
Did you get this power from your mother?
Probably...she WAS a carnie...
Carnies rule. They are impervious to testing.
Speaking of tests, have you taken any recently?
Pregnancy tests...
Well, don't leave us hanging. I need to know if I should break out the cigars. -Bill Clinton laugh-
I'm disturbed by the direction this is taking.
If I had a nickle for everytime I've heard that one.
So, got any stalkers?
You never stalk me, wajhole.
<.<
It's okay. I still own your soul.
Sorry, I've been really busy playing with puppets lately. It really cuts into my stalking time.
Wajhole?
waj is the sound Penguin makes when he laughs.
So a wajhole would be?...nevermind.
We had some penguins that used to wander around the stage at random times, they were cute, I wonder what ever happened to them.
-laughs- I poisoned them.
What the hell, you are one messed up lady.
I've found myself doing it more and more...but that's because I spend too much time with the internet and not real people.
Sure, blame the internet for your evil ways.
No one needs to take personal responsibility now days.
I know...it's like...a dream come true...
Indeed, it is. I blame all my missdoings on PBS.
Mr. Rogers.
Exactly. The guy was a total perv surronded by puppets...
...you have a script right?
...Hunh? I'm sorry, what?
...tell me you don't shave your.......legs. >.>
I don't shave my legs.
I have tats...and **bleep**.
Sweet, can I see them?
You'll shoot your eye out...
I'm willing to take that chance. Go ahead, show us your goods.
-Arachnomancer, exposes her tats and **bleep**-
Everybody is paying attention to me! YAY!
What did you expect?
I fully expected some brilliant insight on pork products...denied.
Makes me think of Ball Parks, they plump when you cook them.
I'm sorry, I was staring at her bewbs. What did you say again?
-camera pans into audience to take in shot of Pamela Anderson sitting in front row while Kid Rock bounces a black baby midget on her humongous rack-
I said,...I forgot what I said...this interview is falling apart. Security, please escort them out of here so we can continue without interruption.
It's all just a distraction so we don't pay too much attention to what the government does.
Well then the government sure knows what they are doing because I'm still seeing "bouncy, bouncy, midgets" in my minds eye.
Why is everything about race or height with you?
Aren't we all just people?
You're really going to sit there and tell me that after that whole Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock incident?
It's proof people don't need to get married. Ever.
I can't argue with that, no matter how strange the angle, it works.
Speaking of marriage I heard a few states made it legal for gays to get married.
Does this mean the Terror Alert color has been changed?
Hahaha! I'm sure it went up for a while, until they figured out God wasn't going to get pissed and start smiting buildings with foriegn terrorists again.
Those sick **bleep**ers!
We can't blame them, god made them do it...just like that damn Mr. Rogers, makes me...Oh my, look at the time. We are out of it.
Please hit us with some final words, Ara.
You're a burger with mighty pickles of might!
Good night!
