Theroyalgoat

From Teh IB Wiki

theroyalgoat was born from the foam of the sea. Her beauty is only matched by her wit and ass. She is one of the oldest active members and yet after over four years still manages to be the most awesome member that place has ever, EVER, seen. She is most known for having a massive wang, and helping all the little retarded members with their self-esteme. She has been romantically linked to Dian, and has went on record saying "Yeah, I hit that shit." If you ever are lucky enough to be in her glorious presence you should immediately drop to your knees and deep throat the ground she walks on.

see also: "the beef"

The gravitational pull of Scrubby's wang never fails to pull her in

She is kind of a bitch but it's forgivable since at least she knows she's a bitch and means to be a bitch. I still wouldn't hit it.

Finger Puppet Theatre

All gather round the show. It is on! -benjover battles dark forces with shadow boxing and suddenly there is light-

WELCOME ALL!!! I am triumphant! And my guest, theroyalgoat, is as well.

Hello, goat, how are things?

Im ON deck HO!

Indeed, you are. Now lets get this boat on the road with some witty banter and crazy antics.

I'm sorry, what was that?

I couldn't understand it through all your fat.

I've been working out, these are what I like to call lumpy muscles. Its a tissue problem, and not my only one. -pulls toilet paper off of shoe and eats it-

You're kind of mean, why is that?

It makes me happy.

Capturing midgets and monkeys and training them to ride each other across difficult terrian would make me happy, but you don't see me...-midget mounted on back of gorilla bursts into shot, they quickly make their way through a small obstacle course and dissapear off stage-...Hehehe, nevermind.

How would you describe yourself?

Transexual transgendered transatlantic beauty.

Damn hot!

My towel is wet.

Would you like me to launder it for you?

You wish, tard.

Shows what you know, that's not what I wish. I wish I wasn't a tard.

and thats why i love you

Really? Now you love me?

Would you like me to wash your towel now?

step off b.itch it's mine

Ok, fine, lets forget about the towel.

maybe we should do it sometime.............

Do what? ...You mean like sex right?

I'll stab you in the jaw.

I'm so confused and scared.

ooo, i'm gettin' into this now................

You evil evil person! You're making me feel things I've never felt before.

your such a perv, i think thats why i want you so bad

Oh I want you too! -hops into theroyalgoats lap-

-bi.tch slap-

your lucky thats all i do after what you did to me

What did I do?! -starts crying- That really hurt both emotionally and physically.

kiss it and make it feel better?

...-sniff-...Uh, I'm afriad of what will happen if I accept.

would you try to sleep with me afterwards

Well, yes. But I meant I'm afriad of what you'll do to me.

I'm begging you, please don't hurt me no more.

dam n right your cock cowering, i'm all friggen powerful bi-otch

Yes you are, I bow down.

now thats what i like to hear

I see your game, you're like one of them dominatrix.

does this make me your enemy now?

Course not, I don't mind being the submissive.

i can understand that, i tend to fall to my knees a lot too

Oh really? Well maybe we can do a little roll reversal then.

-slaps goat-

-look of pure rage forms on her face-

YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eeep! Sorry! I thought it was cool with you!

nevermind, i'm sorry i'm just tired and a b.itch forget what i said

So I can...

YES!!!!! SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!!

-cringes- I can't shut up, this is a talk show. You know like the Late Night Show with Conan OBrien.

i hate you, but i love that show. but i still hate you.

Well you're just going to have to put up with me because you're never getting on that show. Conan would never put up with you.

please ho, i've been fuking him for months

Seriously? Lucky slut, I'd totally go gay for him.

i KNOW you would

What is that supposed to mean?

god your such a boardwhore

Look who's talking.

HOW DARE YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO ME!!!!

FOR THAT I WILL EAT YOUR NOTEBOOK AND URINATE ON YOUR FLOOR!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't you dare try and deny your whore-dom.

well i say we're both massive ho's so lets leave it up to our adoring fans

Fair enough.

In the mean time, I challenge you to a dance off.

sweetie i would have you begging for more

That's what I'm hoping for.

Now go!

I will do the German dance for you, it's fun and gay and tra-la-la.

I hope you will enjoy my dance, fiddle-e-aye, fiddle-e-aye ay.

Would you like some sauerkraut, German boy, German boy?

Yes, I'd like some sauerkraut, boy I'm hungry!

That was hotter than your wet towel!

My turn.

Do the Humpty Hump! -starts humping side of goats chair then fakes a back injury- Owweee my back just went out! Old baseball injury! Too many foul balls!

thats it!!!-attacks springer style with a chair-

-jumps up- Wait, I'm carrying your baby!

i will **bleep**ing kill you

-goat clobbers benj with chair- -benj loses baby-

Noooo! It was going to grow up to be famous! It would have married one of Britney's babies and they would have been all fucked up together, in a cool way!

**bleep**?

Yes! This pain is worse than the towel thing!

thats when it's the best, it hurts sooo good

I guess you're right.

Lets get back to the interview.

are you a ninja?

Kind of...not really.

diaper comercials and pads always have great leak protection and to demonstrate this they pour a blue liquid on it. am i the only one who pisses yellow? why the hell is it blue?

Blue makes us think of sky's, water, and choking victims. You know, visually appealing things.

that makes sense. and explains my unholy obsession with cows.

I would love to delve into that further but we are way out of time. This was an abusive blast goat, hope we can do it again sometime.

Please lay your final words on us.

theres no such thing as more useless than the male wonder twin.......... the girl atleast gave superman and batman hand jobs once in awhile

Good night!

Goatie's Fairytale

Once there was this beeyoootiful princess named Cally, but she was known around the court as goatie. She was loved by all except one. The evil bitch queen, who went by the name of DragonBoo.

One day princess cally and her trusty shebeast, named Dian, were out in the royal gardens when she saw a peculiar flower she'd never seen before. Dian didn't like the looks of the flower and started growling, but princess Cally was of the mind that she shouldn't listen to hairy shebeasts. Because listening to hairy shebeasts is silly. But this time she should have listened to her because the flower was a trap sent by the bitch queen!

Cally took a whiff and instantly fell over dead, but since this is a story she wasn't all dead. Only MOSTLY dead. MOSTLY dead, is slightly alive. Seeing her princess dead, and not knowing the different levels of deadness, Dian began to howl very loudly. This ungodly howling (Dian calls it singing) attracted the attention of Cally's fairy GodBear. Her fairy GodBear, named Gummi, appeared in a cloud of multi-colored smoke and saw the beeyootiful princess laying on the ground. She put her hand on Cally's head, and realized what the problem was. "Stop that infernal racket Dian, she'll be ok!" she yelled. "She's beyond my help though, we'll have to take her to the miracle man in the forest. I just hope the old pervert is home."

With that, Gummi waved her magic wand and Cally began to float in the air. "Come on" Gummi said, and she, Dian, and Cally's corpse headed off into the enchanted forest. After wandering what seemed like hours (but was actually only about 10 minutes, they really need to learn some patience...) they stumbled upon a large and twisted tree. The tree had a door in it, and above the door was a sign that said "Miracles". To the side was a sign that said "rates" and below it were the words "You do me a favor, and I'll do you one. Heh heh..." Gummi wrapped at the door, and a dirty old man answered.

"Deus!" Gummi exclaimed, "We need a miracle, and stop staring at my boobs!" "Alright then, come in inside, but the shebeast better not shed on my floor" replied Deus. As they passed through Deus pinched the asses of all 3 women. Even the corpse. He was a sick one. "Now, let's see what the problem is..." said Deus as he began to poke and prod Cally's floating form. Once he began to unfasten his belt Gummi yelled at him to stop, and tell them what was wrong. "Well," he said through the drool, "it seems this beeyootiful young lady has inhaled the pollen from the Internetdrama flower. Nasty thing that is."

"What can be done?" Gummi asked. "And get your hand off my ass!" she added. "There's only one known cure for it. Some shavings from the banstick of Bast. Luckily for you, I happen to have some handy." Deus shuffled over to some dilapidated shelves, copping a feel off of Dian in the process. "ahhh here we go" he said picking up a vial. He walked back over to Cally, slapping Gummi on the rear along the way, and sprinkled some of the shavings on Cally's chest. "Let them sit for about 5 minutes and then wash them away with some cold water." He said. Then he added, "Now... about my payment...." To which Gummi replied, "Ohhh... alright.... Dian take her to the stream, while I... pay the old coot."

Dian took Cally's floating corpse outside to the stream and dunked her in. Cally awoke sputtering and splashing. "Where am I? Why do I feel like I've been groped? And not in the good way?" she said. Dian grunted at her in the way that shebeasts do, and Cally realized what happened. "Oh yes, the flower, the BitchQueen!" she said. "I shall get her, I'm sick of her crap!"

With that, Dian and Cally headed off to the BitchQueen's lair. More commonly known as 'Ms. DragonBoo's school for confused young boys'. Once there Cally kicked in the door and saw her nemesis "helping" a young boy into (or maybe out of) his pants. "You bitch!" she yelled, and charged at the evil bitchqueen. Then Cally did a flying leap, somersaulted in mid-air, and caught the bitchqueen in a vicious headscissors. "Now feel my power!" Cally exclaimed, and soon the Evil BitchQueen was killed by the awesome power between goatie's legs. With the BitchQueen vanquished, Cally and her shebeast returned home.

The end.